#53

And once again, I shall be talking about how conflicted I am with my emotions.

Meanwhile, it’s been a week since the second semester began, yet everything feels surreal to me. I can’t believe I’m studying again… and it feels as if it’s something that had just flashed in front of my eyes to be eventually tossed aside but then again I have quizzes. And Osaka. Damn.

I guess the gravity of second semester hasn’t completely settled within me. Right now, I’m even dealing with things that are better off forgotten and buried, but my thoughts love to defy me and clad them all in glitter and sequins when really, it’s not supposed to be like that. I am struggling, though I am doing everything that I can to be indifferent. Sighs, indifference is so hard to portray when you actually care.

So what am I trying to say? Nothing. I am trying to say nothing because if I mention this critter even more, I wouldn’t be doing my whole “indifference” scheme now, since I’m still writing about the damned thing. By doing this, I can forget about every little thing I felt on a scale of tepid to a gigantic blue star. If I write it down, then perhaps I would be okay, and move on.

But these never seem to help me, and it’s quite depressing.

I think I have an idea why I’m feeling like this, but I find it unacceptable and shameful.

I don’t deserve to carry such a fragile entity, which would be tossed around until it shatters into pieces.