#63

A poem inspired by this picture of an actor that struck me. This is fictional.

There was a boy I had once loved
His face was full of moles
Whenever I would hold his face between my hands
I let my fingers glide against his cheeks
And feel the slightest bumps against my skin
As I get lost in our kisses
And with my eyes closed, I could tell
That this was the person that I wanted to be with

But now, he’s gone
To ease the pain, I meet other people
I kiss other people
With my eyes closed
I caress their cheeks
As if I was looking for the same spots that I was used to touching
But they weren’t there
And he wasn’t there
And I cried with my eyes closed as he made love to me
Trying to imagine that he was here
Touching me, holding me, within me
But it never works out
Because he was not the person that I wanted to be with

And the person that I wanted to be with
Only remains in my memories
And the one thing I remember most about him
Was the marks on his face
How they looked
How they felt
How they lingered

#62

Lost, confused, in distraught.

4th year has become hell for me. I think it was even more hellish than 3rd year 2nd sem because of the people that I am surrounded with.

My self esteem has reached an all time low along with my grades. And I have never felt so stifled and helpless in my entire life. Like a thorn that’s constantly stuck in my throat, I try to describe my emotions, but words fail me. I have been sucked into this black hole too much.

How long until this ends? How long until all my anxieties flee me?

This is utterly distressing and frustrating.