#69

Let it go, Sabrina.

I don’t mean to include the famous song that made Frozen a household name, but I thought the words were fitting to my situation right now.

So I feel things more intensely than most people. It is a double edged sword, I suppose, as while I may get excited over the smallest things orĀ find a glimmer of hope when things don’t seem to go my way, in turn, there are moments of downward spirals and lapses of grief and hopelessness.

Not that I could control these things. I guess I once did, but it only held me back from experiencing life, so I just chose to live with it anyway, carrying my heart around my sleeve, and succumbing to the consequences of my propensities.

And then, that event happened.

That event that was more of a wake up call for me. Aside from the embarrassment that I had experienced from literally looking like someone who had 1 hour of sleep and is prepared to take off, there was also shame from wanting to look at you and see that there was someone else beside you. Probably also from the idea that I’ve taken those glances the wrong way–curiosity taken for interest–and that everything was one-sided.

So I am grasping onto that. And I have to let go of it.

I have to let go of my notions, of my prospects, because right now, everything is just… muddy and blurry. I know I think too much and I know I can get way ahead of myself sometimes, and i know the downside of all of them.

While I am experiencing that downside, I have something to help me get by: the words, “Let it go.”

Let it go.

Let it go.

No matter what happens, keep it together and let it go.